Have you sometimes wondered how apologetic women are about so many things in our lives and are constantly trying to justify the way we are and the way we behave? We’re always trying so hard to live up to societal expectations and even to expectations of people around us. All the time!
Somewhere down the road – or right from the beginning – we’ve all been victims of “please-o-mania” in some form or the other, and we’re the ones who’ve suffered the most because of it. Do we try or live up to societal expectations or do we follow our hearts?
So why exactly do we get apologetic and justify who we are?
Firstly, it’s got to do with an intrinsic sense of insecurity that we’ve been harboring in our minds. Too many of us are not comfortable with our own selves and the way we generally are; we try far too hard to fit in into others’ definitions of good and what’s acceptable.
It takes a lot of self-acceptance and courage to break free from this way of thinking that’s shackled by rules led down by others.
Secondly, it’s so much easier to belong. When the maverick monster inside us raises its head, we just cower away from it and begin to justify our actions. At times, we are even apologetic about things we have no power to change, like certain natural physical attributes.
“I’m Sorry!” – The Apology Checklist
I have a whole list of stuff I used to be apologetic about while growing up and even recently. Do you want to see how many compare with yours?
- My dark skin coloring.
- My total lack of oomph, i.e. the way I am flat-chested is an utter aberration among Bengali women. And on top of that I have a Keira Knightley kind of emaciated, drought-victim bone structure. Was a subject of ridicule all through college!
- My bohemian way of thinking.
- My taste in music – since when is EDM just a prerogative of the youth??
- My eating habits – I am a rather cautious eater and have taught myself to not miss some foods that aren’t good for me and my jeans.
- My cultivated discipline (I dislike going out the nights before I get up early to exercise. I was constantly resorting to white lies to cover this up. As if I was committing some crime).
- My choice of living life on my own terms – I had been justifying my rather strange-to-many “married-single woman” status for too long. Shame on me!
- My social media habits – I “befriend” strangers on social media and try meeting them to put a face to the name, if of course, the person intrigues me in some way.
- My offline habits of chatting up with people in public places and at times becoming good friends with them. And guess what? As soon as it was a man, I found myself justifying my choices to others!
- Even the way I guffaw and walk like a man.
But What’s the Problem?
If acceptance and belonging are what we’re after, then why is a justification of ourselves such an issue? Because we know it’s unwarranted.
Each time I justified my action or my being, I felt a part of me died. I began to hate myself for my stupidly apologetic behaviour. That’s when I thought I want to make the change.
And I have never looked back since I let the unapologetic me come to surface. The other thing that helped me on this journey is a book called “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck”. Read it! I guarantee it’ll do wonders for your self-esteem.
Reality Check
I’m not saying I have developed superhuman abilities overnight. I have moments of huge self-doubt like any other person, for instance, about writing these blogs where I lay myself bare to scrutiny and criticism.
Putting my voice out in public puts me in a vulnerable position. Of course that’s scary!
But I’m still putting my voice out there. Unapologetically.
Because I CAN take ownership of my insecurities better and not give a fuck about things I can’t change. And I don’t need to tell you how gloriously liberating it is because I know you’ll find out for yourself soon enough.
So here’s to accepting yourself better and being more choosy about fucks to give. Cheers!
