Our generation is unique. And the most understanding generation, because we are the last generation who listened to our parents and also the first which has to listen to their children.
When my daughter was in her teens, this thought used to cross my mind often.
I used to listen to her argue and marvel at her eloquence and felt a tinge of jealousy that I had never been allowed to voice my mind when I was growing up the way she did – the freedom that my daughter’s generation has is because of the way we have raised them. We made a conscious decision to raise them differently.
Now that I’m an empty nester, my thoughts keep going back to how my mother was when I was 21.
MY MOTHER’S LEGACY
I am different in many ways from what she used to be at 50.
First of all, there’s the physical side of it – my mother had a pronounced motherly side to her and it was cultivated with great pride. I used to hear things like “when you are growing older, weight looks good on you.”
I loved the way my mother carried herself in her handloom sarees and in that carriage, there was something very regal about her. She was a “bahu” of the big joint family and she took pride in her status.
As she’d grown older, she had started to let herself go a bit and the love-handles (she’d be scandalized to hear the term) showed when she worked so dedicatedly in the kitchen.
AND NOW, ME!
Fast forward to now.
When I compare myself to my mother, I feel there’s absolutely nothing regal about me. At times I shop from the same stores my daughter shops from and I wear the same size of western clothing as she does.
And unlike my mother, I have discovered fitness with a passion and am into fitting into my skinny jeans. I am in no hurry to look motherly and am not trying to look young either.
My looks just align with the way I feel in my head and I am rather unabashed about it.
I am also not trying to be someone I am not or I can’t be. I look at myself nude in a full length mirror and have taught myself to accept what I see. I acknowledge my physical side just as I do with my mental side. There’s no shame to it.
THE MENTAL EDGE
Now for the mental side of things – I strongly believe there’s a kind of rebellion in us that questions norms and rules that society has laid out for us, and thankfully, women in our generation don’t seem to be in any hurry to conform to any of them.
In fact, we are finally getting in touch with our inner selves and trying to accept us the way we are.
The ever-self-sacrificing mother that is glorified in our society is not something we identify with totally. We are rediscovering ourselves, redefining our identities, asserting our individualities. We bask in the glory of being ourselves finally. There’s no guilt in taking time out for ourselves even at the risk of being labelled egoistic.
Then there’s the very important aspect of sexuality. We are consciously in touch with our sexual selves and take time to find our pleasures. They are as important to us as they would be for our male counterparts.
I’m so glad that women of our generation feel no shame at being sexual beings even when our children are jumping onto the same boat.
Then comes the behavioral aspect.
The previous generation was into behaving in a certain conservative way in public, cautiously maintaining an image of sobriety and decorum.
And here we stand, in sharp contrast to our mothers and the older generation. Honestly, if you think of yourself and the way you behave in a cafe or a bar when you are with a group of friends, is there any way you can say you don’t behave exactly like you used to when you were 18?
And we love and celebrate our need for space. I have a feeling that we’re the first generation to acknowledge our need for space and “me” time.
I must say, I find it rather tough to spend a long time under the same roof with my parents and my in-laws. But I make no bones of admitting to it. In fact, my 86 year old father-in-law also tells me that he finds it hard to be with us for too long and needs his space. I really appreciate him for this honesty.
THE INSIDE STORY
I wasn’t privy to my mother’s inner thoughts, and I don’t think many of us were. I just observed her superficially like any daughter does when she’s growing up and thought that she was very comfortable in her various roles that she played within a joint family structure.
It seems to me that the older generation were more accepting of norms the way the were, and to a big extent, our generation doesn’t.
The more I ponder over how we’ve evolved, as always, my only thought is, don’t fight who you are. Get in touch with your inner self and love yourself the way you are.
We’ve done our duties our entire lives. We CAN now allow ourselves the ultimate luxury of being ourselves.
