When I had my first tattoo done at the “ripe old age” of 49, I got to hear things like:
“What! Your mid-life crisis has finally caught up with you!”
“Now? Exactly when the skin is starting to lose elasticity?”
“Why would you EVER do that to yourself!”
You know me – if I want to get a tattoo, it’s because I just want to get a tattoo. I don’t see why that needed to have a crisis attached to it.
But it did set my grey cells ticking; what exactly IS a mid-life crisis?
This is how the dictionary defines it:
“A loss of self-confidence and feeling of anxiety or disappointment that can occur in early middle age.”
Although my first reaction was to smirk, I have to admit, there is some truth to that definition. On the other hand, a single line can hardly even attempt to define the vast gamut of emotions that underline the phrase “Mid-Life Crisis”.
WHAT HAPPENS AT MID-LIFE?
Let’s tackle it step by step.
- Loss of Self-Confidence
Yes, that can happen. Suddenly we feel our youth fading, we are being relegated to aunt status, being written off as undesirable creatures, people around us are taking us for granted – all of these things can affect one’s self-esteem. - Anxiety
When mid-life hits, quite a few of us get this niggling feeling about our future all of a sudden. Things seem to be less clear ahead of us and that causes anxiety. - Disappointment
We tend to look at the dreams we were forced to leave behind at this stage and begin to wallow in regret.
WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON?
I can now safely proceed to what I have been observing from conversations with many women and in my short career as a “40 plus women-whisperer” (that’s what I consider myself to be).
Yes, we are going through major changes in our bodies but they all fade in comparison to what’s going on in our minds.
Yes, we’re feeling all the things that are defined by the dictionary; but what that definition fails to capture – or even come close to capturing – is what the world doesn’t get to see closely.
So what’s really going on during mid-life?
There’s a rebellion; a storm that’s brewing inside us. Most of us recover from the initial crisis that the world sees, rather fast. Then a major turn-around happens in our heads.
We begin to feel a sense of empowerment, a need for self-love, an urge to reclaim our time and space. After all the years of letting our needs take a backseat voluntarily, we wake up to a new us. I also hear so many women feeling the need to break free from societal shackles, from pre-defined roles.
Some of us seek out a change in career that can be something diametrically opposite to what we have been doing; while some of us get this wild urge to be on their own again, some want to indulge in more “me” time.
There’s also a new-found sense of liberation in us once we make peace with the changes in our minds after the initial confusion.
THE BEST PART?
We FINALLY find the relationships we’ve always looked for.
Most of the times, it’s our girlfriends who help us out of this confusion, because we seek out friends who are going through the same emotions and find a lot of comfort in confiding with them.
These special people in our lives are completely non-judgemental and accept us the way we are. No questions are asked and they are there to listen to us and help us love ourselves the way we are. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you ladies that there’s a huge sharing of empathy that happens among girlfriends.
So, please be eternally grateful to these people.
WHAT ABOUT THE TATTOOS?
Coming back to my tattoos. Even five years ago, I wouldn’t have spent a minute thinking I’ll ever get myself inked, because they didn’t fit with my personality then.
Now, it’s just the right thing to define what’s going on in my mind. There’s an emancipation happening inside my head and they go very well with it.
What’ll happen in the next 5 years when I have changed again? Will I regret them and be in a hurry to laser them away? I don’t know. But for now I’ve done what I wanted to do and I love it!
There’s also this thing about living in the moment that comes with the self-love. And a devil-may-care attitude to many things, as though the mind is constantly raising its middle finger to the world. People’s opinions suddenly don’t matter any more.
And that’s the point, really; that mid-life doesn’t have to be riddled with crises. Work on accepting yourself as you are, with all the changes that are raging through you.
You’re creating a new avatar, but it’s still you. Surround yourself with like-minded people and breathe easy. This isn’t a crisis. This is rediscovering yourself.
