Mother’s Day could be the most celebrated day after Valentine’s Day.
According to Wikipedia, it is a celebration honoring the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds and the influence of mothers in society. What we celebrate here in India is the American version started at the initiative of Ann Reeves Jarvis in the US in the early 20th century.
Like all other “days”, it has been commercialized to the hilt. Florists, stationer’s, restaurants, gift shops all do brisk business. Children feel obliged to call up their mothers, take them out for lunches, or even cook for them on this particular day. Mothers too begin to expect some attention and put their feet up and want to feel like a queen at least for a day.
Some argue that we don’t really need a day to feel special. Others say that it’s good to have a day so that our children are reminded of how important we are. Then there are some who say that all this is glorification of motherhood. Whichever way you look at it, there’s no escape from the fact that once you are a mother, you are always a mother. It becomes a huge part of our identities. There’s hardly a day that goes by when we don’t think of our kids and their well-being, irrespective of how physically close or far away they are from us.
What I am not particularly fond of is the self-sacrificing image that is tagged on to a mother. A mother is put on a pedestal only if she puts the needs of her children above her, ALL THE TIME. Of course, unconditional love entails giving our needs a backseat but this can’t be the only criteria for loving. Specially at a time when we, women over forty, are trying to find self-love and beginning to demand our space and time. On top of that, from my experience, I have observed that sacrificing brings with it a sense of entitlement that I don’t like. It’s like “I have done so much for you, now it’s your turn to give back.” We give as mothers coz giving comes naturally to us, coz we get joy and immense satisfaction from giving. We don’t give thinking about what and how much we’ll be getting back. This is love for me.
There’s a friend’s post that I read today and it made me smile.
“A rant on Mother’s Day shit around us”
I’ll tell you what mums want. NOTHING. We want a day off from being a mum. Some me time, some time to sit in silence and even do a poo in private. We don’t want anyone
yelling at us, or banging down the door when we are trying to shower. We don’t want to wake up in the night for anything and we don’t want to have to cook or clean.
So while it’s all nice and sweet to say “Thank You Mum” with a fucked up dressing gown and an erotic novel on this made up holiday, we know you love us. Make us a cup of
coffee in bed and then fuck the hell off for the day. Thank you“
Honestly, I had a similar feeling last year on Mother’s Day. I just wanted to get away to the hills on my own. Go for a long hike that kind of exhausts the body and exhilarates the mind. Maybe even spend the night in a secluded mountain hut. Didn’t get around to doing it but I will one of these days.
And not feel bad for a second about it. So whichever way you choose to enjoy this day, do it. Express your desires to the family and live it up your way.
Guilt-free, please!
